Find Your Third Thing
Three families show us how a simple activity can change lives.
By Allison Kenien
Some things just fill time. A “third thing” does much more.
Poet Donald Hall described a third thing as an activity, object, practice, or place that brings people together in contentment. A third thing might be painting, volunteering, playing music, or bowling. In this case, it might be easiest to think of a third thing as existing somewhere beyond home (first thing) and work (second thing).
It doesn’t need to be fancy, formal, or expensive. What’s most important is that you want to return to it again and again because it adds vitality to your everyday routine. At a minimum, it gives you social connection and joy. But if you’re lucky, a third thing can be life-changing.
We spoke with three local families who have truly unique third things. For each family, their shared activity turned into something much bigger than they ever imagined.
Jason Middaugh and his daughter Jane.
A LEGO-Loving Family Earns The National Spotlight
The Middaugh family’s third thing started with a Christmas gift.
Jason Middaugh always loved LEGO, so when he noticed his 6-year-old daughter, Jane, was interested, he wanted to encourage her. Rather than buying a standard set, he designed one to look like the family camp in Homer. He ordered the pieces, created a custom instruction booklet, and packaged it in a box that proudly displayed the final product.
It came out so well that Jason’s wife, Tina, suggested submitting it to LEGO for production. Jason knew the family camp design wouldn’t appeal to most people, but he looked into the submission process anyway.
Anyone can submit a design, but to be considered, you need 10,000 votes from registered LEGO users.
The family started pulling ideas from pop culture that would have mass appeal.
“We were just trying to brainstorm: what is a set that doesn't exist that our friends and family would want?” Tina said. “We always came together around Christmas movies, and Christmas is how all of this started.”
They settled on A Christmas Story, and everyone had a job: Jason and Jane were builders, and Tina was the organizer. About a year later, they had completed the movie’s iconic house, complete with a light-up leg lamp.
They gathered the 10,000 votes, but ultimately, LEGO passed on the set. The rejection only propelled them, and the family had found their third thing: LEGO builds, events, conventions, and competitions.
A few years later, they were back in front of the review board with another design: the house from It’s a Wonderful Life. Unfortunately, that one didn’t make it to production either. But they were successful in gaining tons of attention and once-in-a-lifetime experiences.
“We've only had failures [for production], but strangely, that kept us going,” Jason said. “And the experience has turned out way, way different from what we ever expected, and maybe almost better.”
The Middaughs were invited to the 40th anniversary screening of A Christmas Story, where they met the cast and showcased their LEGO set. Their work has been featured in countless publications, including the New York Times, and the sets have been displayed in museums. They’ve traveled the country with their creations, and they’ve grown closer as a family along the way.
“The process is more fun than the result,” Jane said. “Even though we didn't end up [getting selected], just going on all the trips and the family experiences have just been so much more rewarding.”
The family hasn’t given up, and their newest creation is being reviewed by LEGO. It’s a National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation set that includes the Griswold house, a Christmas tree with a squirrel, and Cousin Eddie’s RV.
“The whole idea is trying to prove to Jane that something that seems impossible, like creating an official LEGO set, is actually something you can make happen,” Jason said.
In the beginning, the Middaugh family never expected to get past the voting stage. Now they’ve done it three times, and their hobby has helped them grow in ways they never expected.
They believe that everyone should chase after their goals.
“Even if you think you can't do it… go for it,” Jason said. “There's no reason to hold back, especially if you've got something fun to do together.”
Kevin and Rebecca Kelly
Two Designers Are Better Than One
When Rebecca and Kevin Kelly met in design school, they weren’t particularly drawn to each other. But one day, everything changed. They came to class and discovered they had inadvertently taken the exact same approach on an assignment.
“It was a poster project, but [coincidentally] we both came in with the Vitruvian Man by Da Vinci as the visual solution,” Rebecca said. “Nobody else had it. I think our teacher hated it, but we were like, ‘Oh, we got this.’”
From there, they formed a friendship that led to marriage, two children, and a long-running collaboration.
Scooped, The Forgotten Tale of the First Pumpkin Carving, by Kevin and Rebecca Kelly
Early in their marriage, they moved to Keene, New Hampshire, a town known for its pumpkin festival. Inspired, they wrote and self-published a children’s book, Scooped, about the origins of pumpkin carving. They sold hundreds of copies in a single day at the festival.
The book’s popularity energized them and solidified publishing as their third thing. Soon, they could see ideas for stories and characters everywhere.
“That was our life. Just eating breakfast, we’d say, ‘let's write a story about the craziness of breakfast,’” Rebecca said.
Soon, their work caught the attention of a publishing agent, and years later, they scored a contract for The Awesome, Impossible, Unstoppable Gadget, a story about Professor Von Junk, an eccentric inventor whose creations sometimes go out of control. They followed up with Finder’s Creatures, a graphic novel series.
“[Professor Von Junk] gets into all kinds of trouble, and he really is just a metaphor for parenting,” Rebecca said.
The Awesome, Impossible, Unstoppable Gadget by Kevin and Rebecca Kelly
Their talent for putting a positive spin on everything shines in their books — and in their work with students. They give presentations in elementary schools and teach design classes at Syracuse University.
“We show [students] our stack of rejections… There are 203 formal rejections from publishing, just for one book. I’ll write the number 203 on the board and turn it into a monster: The Failure Eating Monster,” Kevin said.
This growth mindset isn’t just preaching for the Kellys. It took them two decades to reach their goals. But it’s clear that what really fuels them is spending time together.
“More than writing, our third thing is date night,” Kevin explained, pointing out that this could mean tackling a new story, or it could be a trip to Home Depot or a quiet walk near their home.
Their advice is to find true enjoyment. “If it's not fun for you, it's not going to be fun for anybody,” Kevin said.
Susan Valenti and her Book Buddies
Saying ‘Yes’ When ‘No’ Feels Easier
Sometimes third things arrive when you leave your comfort zone.
In 2017, a friend asked Susan Valenti to apply for an assistant position at Book Buddies, a literacy volunteer program. Susan’s first instinct was to say “no.”
“At first I thought, ‘Nah, I don’t want to do that,’” she said. “Sometimes I'll just say no and not think about it. But then I thought, ‘you’ve got to start thinking about these things.’”
She took the leap, starting as an assistant. By 2019, she had become the program coordinator, and volunteer recruitment was a top priority. Finding enough volunteers proved challenging, even though the commitment is only reading books with Syracuse City elementary school students for one hour per week.
Eager for adult helpers, she looked to her husband, Peter, a retired art teacher of 32 years.
He had a similar “no” initial reaction. After spending decades in the classroom, he questioned whether going back was the right choice. Plus, his experience was with high school students, not the young children who attend Book Buddies.
“Honestly, I was a little bit leery about it, but I went anyway,” Peter said.
That reluctance vanished the moment he started. What began as a favor to his wife became a weekly ritual he has maintained for years.
“I realized that I really did like doing it,” Peter said. “It's really nice to go see Susan at her workplace, too.”
Peter Valenti and his Book Buddies
Peter and Susan’s enjoyment of the program was magnetic, eventually drawing in other family members. Their adult children have volunteered at the schools, and they have even brought their grandchildren to witness the program’s impact.
This spirit of "showing up" defines their relationship, and that attitude has led them to their third thing. Just like Peter pushed himself into literacy volunteering, Susan nudged herself to join Peter on the golf course. She also attends live performances of his band, Walking Buddy and The Old Goats. But choosing to say ‘yes’ to each other, they’ve grown as individuals, and they’ve grown closer together.
“We both have a lot of our own things going on, and we support each other in those things,” Peter said, mentioning his art studio and Susan’s gym time. There’s beauty in the balance.
Susan and Peter’s advice for others is simple: say “yes” more, not to everything, but to the activities that pull you toward the people you love. Their third things weren’t something they searched for. They were built slowly, by choosing again and again to show up for each other.