Chatter: Local Moms Reveal The Best and Worst Parenting Advice.
BEST
“Motherhood is something you grow into.”
Your baby is an entirely new person you're meeting, and it takes time for maternal feelings to fully develop.
“Kids can’t learn anything when they are melting down.”
Wait until everyone is calm before sorting through actions, consequences, and lessons learned.
“Let go of expectations.”
Keep your values, boundaries, and goals, but don’t get stuck in one image of parenting. Expectations can make you miserable; stay in the moment instead.
“If your baby is fed, clean, burped, and comfortable but still inconsolable, it’s okay to place him safely in the crib or playpen and step away for a moment to breathe.”
Taking a short break doesn’t mean you’re failing. Keep your baby safe, breathe, and reset. Both of you will be better for it.
“Change the scenery when the baby and you are overwhelmed.”
If you need a reset, it can really help to go to a different room, take a quick walk, or drive around town.
“It’s okay to apologize to your kids.”
No one is perfect. Admitting when you’re wrong shows your kids that mistakes are normal, and it builds honesty and trust into your relationship.
“Let your kids express their feelings.”
Children need to learn to talk through their emotions. If they don’t, they’ll just bottle it and act out. Even if you don’t agree with their perspective, their feelings are real, and they need to feel heard and validated. After that, you can help with problem-solving and understanding consequences.
WORST
“If they aren't hurting anyone or anything, just let them do it.”
If your kid wants to make their mashed potatoes into a volcano or draw all over their face with markers, it’s not unsafe, but letting it go all the time can make your job harder later on. Eventually they will need to follow rules. Playtime is when they get freedom, not just anytime they feel like it.
“Give them choices.”
Choices can be a helpful tool, but for a long time, this advice took us in the wrong direction entirely. I've learned that with too many choices, no one knows what to do. Listen to and respect your child’s opinions, but kids feel safe when mom and dad are making the plans and decisions.
"If you can breastfeed, you should.”
I was physically able to breastfeed, but it was so painful and made my postpartum depression worse. It’s a good choice for some people, but we should lessen the pressure on struggling moms.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps."
What if the baby never sleeps!? Better advice: don’t be afraid to ask for help so you can rest.
“If you pick her up every time she cries, you’ll spoil her.”
Crying is how newborns ask for help. So yes, I pick my baby up when she cries. Yes, I hold her at family gatherings. I want her to feel loved and safe.
“You need to make all the decisions; children shouldn’t have a say.”
Respect is learned by example. If I want my daughter to treat me with respect, I need to show her respect too. I don’t let her decide everything, but I give her plenty of chances to share her ideas and have a say in small decisions, like what to eat and what to wear.
"Kids should eat everything on their plate.”
My son was pushed to eat more to be “polite” and he threw up the entire meal. When I was a kid, my parents made me try a few bites of everything, and that feels like a much nicer approach.